For no particular reason, today sucks. The sun is shining, it’s hot and I’m making all my dreams come true. I know, you’re probably thinking what a little brat. Who wouldn’t be happy under these conditions? I wish I could answer that.

It’s hilarious to me how the smallest things can alter my world and my state of mind. First off let’s start with how I’m not feeling good. I have what I like to call the Backpackers cough. It’s now the third time I’ve caught it and in 5 months of traveling, I consider that pretty good. My head hurts, my nose is running and I’m coughing up copious amounts of phlegm. I’m sorry, I’m just being real.

I tried to hibernate in my room because I would be doing no good going out in this condition. At a half passed 7 a cute little Vietnamese woman came into my dorm room and started doing her daily cleaning. She turned on all the lights, changed the sheets on the other 3 vacant beds, vacuumed and mopped. Normally this wouldn’t upset me because I’m up and out the door by 630am. Today I needed the rest, I needed to do nothing. My body needed me to do nothing. She was only doing her job and I don’t blame her. Did I mention how adorable she was?

I tried to get back to sleep but was unsuccessful. I tried to read my new book from Annie (love you best friend) and couldn’t do that either. Being abruptly woken like that, the pounding in my head and the fact that I couldn’t stop coughing forced me out of bed. I headed down to get my free breakfast, because who would skip a free meal? After breakfast I headed back to bed and just about the time I fell back to sleep, 2 noisy travelers arrived in my room. My only option was to get out and hope some fresh air helped my current state of mind.

I stopped into a coffee shop because I was honestly thinking that’s all I needed to shake this funk. This coffee shop sucked. The service was slower than a sloth, I couldn’t get a smile to save my life and the staff looked like they felt worse than me. One girl rolled her eyes at me when I asked for a napkin, my coffee took 23 minute to arrive at my table, and it took another 17 minutes to get my check so I could get out of there. I still left optimistic, today can still be saved. I feel like a pile of poop but look at this amazing adventure I’m on. Surely it will get better.

Leaving the coffee shop I turned my frown upside down. But then a mom and her daughter drove by on a motorbike and I lost it. I miss my mom so much. I’m not an emotional person, but I’m emotional writing this. At that moment I felt so alone. Lonely ain’t easy, lonely ain’t kind, but lonely’s a friend of mine (song reference goes to Nate). Now I choose to be alone, I’m an introvert in all definitions. That doesn’t make it easy.

As I’m messaging my mom to tell her I love her, I slip and fall on my ass on a curb. This makes me laugh out loud because I’m good natured and that’s just funny. I turn hoping to find someone else to laugh with me. Next to me is a Russian family of 3. They for sure don’t laugh, but instead look at me with disgust like I’m scum. I’m sorry but Russians are not welcoming people. I get up, brush it off and disappear down the next alley, feeling ashamed even though I don’t know why.

I’m currently at an adorable little cafe in that same alley. I came in hot and got a cold beer and a Jameson. Now I’m feeling more like myself. This is my first whiskey (for sure, the reason for this post) in months and if you know me at all, then I know you’re shocked to be reading this. When I was in the bathroom I heard a cat meowing outside the door. When I opened the bathroom door I was faced with a black cat, who reminded me so much of my Jackson and I lost it again.

Now I’m not writing this because I need sympathy. That’s the last thing I need. I’m writing this because I’m real and I hope that is what people come here to read. This is the most amazing adventure and experience of my 33 years and I’m living it to the fullest. But today I miss home. I miss my family, my comforts, my hilarious friends and the people who make me feel so comfortable. I’m writing this so you know, I haven’t forgotten any of you, you know who you are and I dream of being close to you again.

Disclaimer: I drank 2 whiskeys while writing this. It is unedited and about as raw as they come. #sorrynotsorry